Rusty punk

Hey Good to see you making something new. It's kinda sad that B101 didn't make it. Anywho you got a good demo  rightnow. Also There's a comunity discord server for furry vn, have you join yet ?

Really good start here! Love the character designs. The writing can be a bit purple prose-y at times, but not enough for me to have put the game down. May just want to tune that down a notch. Otherwise, it's a really good translation! 

A few specific things that need a bit of tweaking:

•  At the beginning of the game, you have "Nevertheless, work whis Travis, a local freek..." I believe the words should be "with" and "freak". In the same block of text, there should be a comma after "bloodstained hands" and before the "and".
• Soon after, you have the phrase "while I was disconnected after the blow". You may want to use unconscious instead, as it looks less weird in context. Disconnected typically is paired with words like "from reality"
• You have the sentence "Stink, {besides clause}, was not. I would insert a "there" before the "was not" part.  If you put the sentence in typical order, you would say "There was no stink", thus you still need that "there".
• "I would definitely have discovered me" : replace with It
• "yet it still pulls unpleasantly..." rest of the sentence is in past tense, so consider "pulled"
• In the paragraph starting with "The strength of my paws", you suddenly switch from 1st to 3rd to 1st person. I would keep it consistent and replace "he's" and "his" with "I" and "my". 
• The next paragraph, you have "measured steps that were heard", switching to passive voice randomly. I would say "My immersion.....steps that I heard...."
• "What if a gang buddy Tavriy comes here": It should be "of Tavriy's" as it shows possession/affiliation  
• I would end the phrase "There was no point in getting up" with a semicolon instead of a comma . Also replace "only" with "just" 
• The line "...and I could not even figure out the approximate outlines of my personality" feels out of place. Consider removing it or making it fit better in context.
• What's with the <<eggs in a vise>> bit? Do you mean something like: "life in the wasteland teaches one to live like eggs in a vise; it is this skill...' ?
• End the phrase "two meters from me" with a period instead of a comma. Also, change faces to face.
• Exchange "Fate happened" with "Fate destined" or some equivalent.
• Add a "the" between "to see" and "unknown guy" ; change "protecting from sand" to "protecting him from the sand"
• Change "press me know" to "pin me now" or "hold me  now" or some equivalent
• I'm not sure what is meant by "and a knife seeker at my ass"
• I would look again at the section of text beginning with "Would you eat, wash..." I kinda get what he's saying, but it needs to be much clearer.

-----Will add more as I read---

Wait...is this from the same creator of B101 vn?